My Ninja Suit

I have a ninja suit for every occasion: work, home, parties, funerals, weddings, sleep. These ensembles are perfect – they are black, slimming, comfortable and allow me to slink around, not so much as to go unnoticed, but to make damn sure that no one could ever point out anything on me that doesn't belong, as in “Did you see her stomach hanging over those pants?” or “People that size should definitely not wear yellow.” or “Oooh, patterns like that only accentuate her {insert offending body part here}.”  

Geneen Roth refers to the aforementioned thoughts as “The Voice” and that you should give it a name, corner it in the kitchen, and tell it to fuck off.